Saturday, September 10, 2011

How To Drive Yourself Over The Edge, In Five Easy Steps

1.  Make a rash decision to sell your house.  Pack most of your stuff into a POD, spruce up the house top to bottom, inside and out, and get ready for the real estate broker's open house.  All in ONE WEEK.

2.  The morning of the open house, put your cats in storage boarding.  Throw your back out diving under the bed trying to catch a cat, who thinks being put in a cage is a most horrendous idea.  Have a little meltdown at the vet's office, because your already sensitive and slightly neurotic cats are now all howling piteously, making you even more distraught and feeling more than a tad guilty.  Back in the car, check the mirror to confirm that yes, indeed, your little crying jag has left your eyes red and puffy, making you look like a goldfish.

3.  Head north to an area you've never been to before to house hunt.  Return home at the end of the weekend to an offer on your home.  Accept it.  Put in an offer on the one house you viewed in the area you've never been to before.

4.  Gnaw your nails off while negotiations on the home you wish to purchase go back and forth, back and forth, get delayed, hit snags, and finally go in the shitter toilet.  Check the calendar and count the days until escrow closes, realize that you won't be in a new home by the time you have to be out of your current home, and determine that you need to quickly implement Plan B.  Except, you don't really yet have a Plan B. 

5.  Be sure to do all of this right before two big knitting shows, and when you have a big stack of wholesale orders to fill.

I do believe a glass of wine and a bit of knitting are in order right about now. 


  1. Oh boy. Yes. Wine and Knitting.
    The Universe must have a plan.
    Stay cool.

  2. You're moving? :0 Hope you'll still be nearby.